On hearing the news that Absalom was dead, David immediately
retreated to a private place to mourn. His poignant words have rung and echoed
through every generation since. “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom!
Would that I had died instead of you.” Unknown numbers of parents have uttered
words like this as news came to them of the death of their sons and now
daughters also, in war. In fact, almost every time a child dies, the parents
express such words, “Would that I had died instead of you.”
The story goes on to say that the victory turned into
mourning for all the troops who instead of celebrating joined the King in respect
for his grief. But then the twist in the story came. Joab one of the army
commanders had specifically disobeyed David’s orders in encouraging the
soldiers to kill Absalom and he wasn’t about to put up with David’s response to
news of the death. He told David in no uncertain terms that he was letting down
the nation by mourning the one who had betrayed his father.
It is somewhat reminiscent of the Prime Minister of England going
to the Queen in Scotland to tell her she had no right to be mourning as she was
when Dianna died.
In the book of Job, we read of how his friends tried to tell
him how to grieve and why he had brought all this trouble on himself. Unfortunately today, people still try to tell
others how they should mourn and remind them too early of major
responsibilities.
It is almost natural to ask questions following a death,
especially a sudden one. Why did this happen? What could I have done to prevent
it? David must have wondered why the army officers had not done what he asked.
It is not only parents who say “Would that I had died
instead of you”. They were my words when my husband died. He was such a loss to
the community as well as our family and I was just his wife. In grief there is
confusion, despair, unbearable agony. The thing that the story of David tells
us is that no matter how bad it gets or how badly we handle our grief, God is
still there for us, in it and through it.
Perhaps the words of Psalm 130 are also ones that you have
uttered in desperation, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleading.” People who haven’t experienced major grief
fail to understand. Many mean well with their advice but grief is a thing that
you have to do for yourself for the most part, with the help of God.
Rev Julianne Parker (for full sermon see sermons page)
